Here in the City of Pittsburgh we pride ourselves on a few things - winning, having a lot of bridges, and more winning! - among other things. It's been 10 years since the Steelers last hoisted the Lombardi trophy and to make it worse, by the time they can make it to Miami for Super Bowl LIV, it will have been 11 years. So here at TGYK, we have put together a scientifically-backed, full-proof plan to get the 'Lers back on top with 7 Lombardi's.
Step 1: Implement a Required Stiff-Arm rule for all ball-carriers
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| espn.com |
If you Google "Vance McDonald," the first suggestion you get is "Vance McDonald Stiff-arm." Everyone needs to unleash their inner Vanimal! If you have a ball in your hands, you must attempt a stiff-arm. Not only will you create a highlight, but you will make your opponent feel inferior, like a little boy. Since the NFL is so inclined on getting rid of big hits that make the game fun, we'll make lemonade out of those sensitive lemons. Big hits used to give teams momentum, even for just the drive, and now stiff-arms will take it's place. Even on rare occasions a James Conner stiff-arm can carry a 2016 Pitt team to a 43-42 victory over #2 Clemson, case-and-point. C'mon Tomlin, more push-ups in workouts!
Step 2: Goal Line Package with Watt, Tuitt, and Heyward
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| pinterset.com |
Up next is what I'm going to call the "Fear" package because when #90 lines up at QB with Tuitt and Heyward trailing him, at the FB and RB positions respectively, opposing defenses will have the fear of God cut right through them. Defenses will regret every decision in life that got them to where they are now and where they'll be in 3 seconds. Ya know what?! Because he's becoming a great player and deserves the love, Javon Hargrave is playing the Wing because jet sweeps will be implemented in week 10. Touchdowns for days. Hey Fichtner, hire me anytime you need some creativity.
Step 3: Only Play Teams Over .500
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| apnews.com |
We all know how the Steelers love to play down to their competition, so the only way to fix this is to have them play teams over .500 for all 16 games. Give us the Rams three times and take Buffalo and Arizona off of the schedule. This would have the making of a #1 seed season.
Step 4: Breaking News: Tom Brady and Bill Belichick Go Missing
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| sportspickle.com |
We would never wish any harm on these two, but if they (or just one) magically disappear from Sept 1 to Feb 3.... you can send us a thank you card in the mail.
Step 5: Baker Mayfield Slides into the DM's of OBJ's Girl
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| clutchpoints.com |
Look this team was going to spontaneously cumbust without extra scandals but to quote Heath Ledger's Joker "sometimes all you need is a little, push." But this would create Chaos. Absolute chaos breaks out in the Browns locker room when this happens. OBJ throws a fit for the 100th time in his NFL career and their on field connection is forever broken. The fight that'll ensue after this will be bigger than Mayweather vs. Pacquiao. We offer ourselves as tributes to make this happen.
Step 6: Make Lamar Jackson Pass the Ball
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| post-gazette.com |
This isn't even unrealistic, apparently he showed up to OTA's with a brand new and more traditional play book. Lol, good luck. Load the box. When we say load the box, we mean all 11 defensive guys in the box. Leave the receivers uncovered, force Lamar Jackson to pass the ball and the Steelers have an automatic two divisional wins on the season.
Step 7: Leave the Raiders and Jets Alone
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| 247sports.com |
They're both going to suck, so we will just let them suck; just like their two big offseason additions both suck!
Step 8: Make Patrick Mahomes Regret the Day he Signed an Endorsement with Hunt's Ketchup
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| thetakeout.com |
This one is personal. During last season, Mahomes signed an edorsement deal with Hunt's ketchup, AKA, the inferior ketchup. The Steelers and Chiefs could be facing off in the AFC Championship and the only thing on every players mind should be to punish Mahomes for this decision. Heinz ketchup for life!!
Step 9: Super Bowl Matchup vs. Saints with New Pass Interference Rules
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| youtube.com |
We made it! The Steelers are Super Bowl 54 champions! With the new pass interference rules in place, the Steelers easily defeat the Saints in the Super Bowl and get that ever elusive 7th Lombardi!
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| wikipedia.com |
Thanks for reading! We had some fun with this and hope you did too! We will do an ACTUAL roadmap to our next Lombardi trophy once we get closer to the season!
-Aaron and Ryan, TGYK
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