The Bachelorette Week 8: We, Bachelor Nation, take Tyler C to be our lawfully wedded husband or Bachelor

All of us trying to get through this episode

Missed this week of the Bachelorette?? Don’t bother watching, it was boring and Luke didn’t get kicked off. I know that’s all you care about at this point anyway. And if you’re the type that reads spoilers… well you know that’s where all the most entertaining stuff is occurring anyway. But we won’t talk about that here.

The dates

·      One on one with Jed: *insert giant exhausting sigh here* I’m sure if Jed’s ex hadn’t gone to People magazine to expose him, I would’ve loved this date. I would’ve thought it was so sweet and Jed was so perfect, and I’d be wishing we could see him down on one knee. But instead I just watch Hannah tell Jed she’s falling in love with him and develop a broken heart. I can focus on nothing else other than this couples impending doom.

·      One on one with Tyler C: Are we tired of Tyler C consistently being perfect? We are absolutely not. Just replay his date for two hours instead of watching this. This date consisted of him eating disgusting food for Hannah, him riding a horse for Hannah even though he doesn’t like them, him getting grilled by Hannah at dinner, and him admitting he’s falling for her. Let the record state, that if Tyler C ever wanted to date me, I wouldn’t make him eat anything disgusting to win my affection. Also, Hannah should’ve interrogated Jed the way she interrogated Tyler.

·      Connor didn’t really have a date, but he got sent home and it was sad

·      One on one with Mike: Oh Mike. Poor, sweet Mike. It was going well and there was nothing wrong with the date, but at dinner, Hannah didn’t see it going much further. It was a tearful goodbye on Hannah’s end, with Mike continuing to care about her wellbeing as she dumped him. ABC, please make Mike the next bachelor.

·      Three on one with Luke P, Peter, and Garrett: I couldn’t even tell you if Hannah and Peter were even on this date. It was really just a face-off between Garrett and Luke P. Watching Luke scream the way he does only confirms what we already know, which is him being a manipulative psychopath. We finally got to witness Luke tell Hannah the story of how God told him to stop screwing everything that moves. I couldn’t tell if she was being polite or if she genuinely bought it and I don’t want to consider that she might believe it. Ultimately, she keeps Luke and Peter and sends Garrett packing. Surprise surprise…

Next week are hometowns, which will be significantly more entertaining than this snoozer.  The only thing that made the episode worth it was seeing Tyler C body bag Luke by saying most villains are bigger than 5’8”. We will be seeing Jed, Tyler C, Peter and Luke P’s families and I can genuinely say that I can’t wait. Are Luke’s parents aware that he’s tormenting the nation in his spare time? Will Jed’s parents also keep his girlfriend a secret? Was Tyler C conceived in Disney world, the happiest place on earth? How many photos do Peters parents keep of him in a pilot uniform? I have a ton of questions for them and I’m also praying Hannah sees the light.

-Those Girls You Know