The Bachelorette: All the Thoughts I had Watching the Men Tell all and Drinking Wine

85 Thoughts I had While Watching the Men Tell All and Drinking Wine

The men tell all was wild and crazy, as usual. There are the thoughts I had while watching it and drinking wine. And getting a little (lot) drunk. You'll see.

1. Thank god I remembered to get wine tonight because if Luke P is there it's sure to be exhausting
2. Oh no Chris why is tonight about to be different SPILL THE TEA CHRIS
3. OMG NO WAY WE ARE SEEING THE END OF LAST WEEK RIGHT NOW
4. This is hands down Hannah's worst look so far goodness what happened 
5. Ohhhhh so they did this so Luke wouldn't have to miss the men tell all. I see ABC, I understand your madness
6. Luke P: "Hannah thought there's no way I would still want to be with her after the last thing she told me." He literally still thinks this is about him and it makes me gag
7. HANNAH'S EYE ROLL WHEN SHE SAW LUKE ASSUMING HIS PLACE AT THE ROSE CEREMONY, I NEARLY SPIT OUT MY WINE
8. TELL HIM WHAT WHAT TYLER C
9. Hannah "NO THE F*CK YOU'RE NOT" Brown is her new official name thank you very much
10. "I'm about to go psycho" ok Hannah werk lets go psycho
11. All the men are literally jizzing their pants watching this. She's never been more attractive to them than when she is tearing Luke down to a fraction of the man child he was before
12. Jed: "thank you god, for making Hannah see light and eliminating Luke. He was taking up too much screen time. People might forget about my music career"
13. Hannah short circuits every time Luke tries to tell her what to do but this time, she has backup 
14. AHAHAHAHA SHE MOVES THE PODIUM BECAUSE HE SAYS HE'S ATTENDING THE ROSE CEREMONY BY STANDING THERE. HANNAH BROWN YOU PETTY MOFO WE STAN!!!!!!!!
15. "ATTACK LIONS" - Tyler C to Jed and Peter (Nala V.)
16. "Why are you telling her who she is bro" - America's favorite boyfriend and number one good guy, Tyler C
17. I would put myself in absolutely reckless and terrifying positions if I knew Tyler C would come to my rescue looking this good
18. Did he think it was going to be hard to look him in the eyes and say bye?? Is Luke Psychopath truly that stupid???? Someone should run brain tests???
19. "I f*cking hate that guy" - Hannah Brown, finally joining the club
20. Chris Harrison saying Luke was going to propose lmao Chris you sly dog, you, are just making crap up for TV. Can't fool me
21. Have you ever seen 3 men closer to orgasming with their clothes on than right now as Luke P makes his grand exit because I really don't think you have?
22. Oh nice back to regular programming aka continuing to yell at Luke, just weeks later and in LA
23. Here he is, a psychopath in the flesh
24. Clean shaven, Luke looks FRESH out the frat house
25. Pause the show, refill your glass, we are gonna need it fam
26. All of these things Luke claims were said when Hannah eliminated him were somehow not shown when ABC rehashed this conversation 189403820 times over the course of 7 weeks, Curious. 
27. Chris Harrison is like Hannah's choices are her own pal, but go off, except he used different words
28. YOU SHOULD'VE SAID YES TO THE NARCISSISM QUESTION LUKE
29. The audience scoffs loudly. Yea same.
30. All you have to do is say yes, I was the worst and I'm sorry
31. Chris just asked if he made any mistakes. Just. Say. Yes. Think of your family Luke!!!!!
32. Well we knew he'd screw that up and say he wouldn't change a thing
33. WHOOP THERE IT IS
34. Ok I'm bored now can we finally get this guy off my TV
35. More wine ladies and gentlemen-tell-allers
36. OHHHHH SNAP CHRIS HARRISON WITH THE BODY BAD!!! YOU ARE RIGHT KING CHRIS!! HANNAH DOESN'T NEED TO BE SAVED!
37. Wait actually who is this guy in the red jacket?
38. Devin? Nice to meet you 
39. Ok DEVINNNNNN SPILL THE TEA MY MAN
40. HEY DEVIN, I just met you, and this is crazy, on behalf of America, why didn't you get more screentime?
41. New game: Every time there is an awkward silence on national TV, drink
42. MATT DONALD BABY GOOD TO SEE YOU
43. JPJ IS BAAAAAAAAACKKKKKKK
44. MIKE <3
45. Ok now I'm actually so tired of Luke I'm pouring more wine and that's not my fault 
46. Can we put JPJ on the hot seat for some laughs? A bitch is tired
47. Mike is speaking now, and we call this segment #MikeForBachelor2020
48. "I think your future wife will be a prisoner of you" GO KING MIKE GO RIGHT IN AND DONT HOLD BACK
49. This is a public roast of a psychopath that's all it is
50. "I completely do not accept you apology" - Mike Johnson, speaking on behalf of this great nation. He is our chosen bachelor
51. I don't like this anymore. I wish to know more about JPJ's relationship with chicken nuggets
52. Grant, my pal, back again, still don't know how you're here but I'm happy to see ya
53. HAHAHAHA CAM IS THANKFUL FOR LUKE BEING WORSE THAN HIM OK ICONIC
54. Chris Harrison, woke king, is like so neither of you came onto this show a virgin but for some reason sex was a deal breaker hm interesting
55. John Paul Jones to the hot seat THANK YOU GOD
56. This JPJ montage might win an Emmy. Hard to write it out of the realm of possibility
57. This girl in the WWJPJD shirt has what we in the biz call HUSTLE
58. However, she's weird
59. She shouldn't cut his hair
60. Leave him alone
61. NUGGETS FOR EVERYONE JPJ IS A MAN OF THE PEOPLE
62. After commercial, Mike will get approximately 5.5 minutes to win the role of bachelor and I can't wait
63. Commercial break - top off your glass
64. God Mike is so good
65. Mike is so kind
66. Mike is so hot
67. Mike has the best eyebrows in the United States truly WHOMST is snatching those brows
68. I COULD SWOON OVER MIKE ALL DAY LONG
69. Hannah's here and girl I know you're not through with Luke
70. Hannah admits she did have feelings for Luke, but it stemmed from insecurity and we appreciate this explanation and honesty
71. "I deserve more than what I put up with" YES YOU DO HANNAH BEAST LOVE YOU LONG TIME
72. Hannah explaining her fantasy suites is hilarious
73. GO OFF QUEEN 
74. Hannah is NOT here for you slut shaming
75. "You didn't have a fantasy suite, so you don't know how it works" SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE A MAN IS DEAD!!!!!! HANNAH KILLED A GROWN MAN
76. THE WINDMILL IS NOT A SCARLET LETTER HANNAH YOU RIGHT IT WAS A STRIDE OF PRIDE BABY
77. "Does that make sense?" Chris Harrison, host extraordinaire 
78. Mike Johnson in his campaign for Bachelor makes it clear that he supports any and all decisions Hannah makes for herself love him the most
79. Hannah dumped Mike and she still loves him as much as we do
80. I thought she was going to say I'm rooting for you for the bachelor and I would've fallen to the floor
81. Am I kinda crying at Hannah saying it was worth going through a toxic relationship to help other women??? Or is that the wine???
82. JPJ saying yas queen might win an Emmy. I hope he grabs that golden statue his first words are yas queen
83. Hannah's apology top us was what I needed the most. We love you Hannah. You are officially forgiven for putting us through all of the Luke nonsense. Onward and Upwards
84. Chris "all your questions will be answered next week" Harrison, if you lie to me, I'll riot in the streets
85. A bonus thought: BRING ON PARADISE

- Those Girls You Know....*pours another glass*