Bachelorette Week 6: I'm Not Mad, Just Disappointed

How do I even describe this episode? If you watch it, I think you know what I mean. For a minute it was awesome and super dramatic. Then it was horrible. Then I was angry beyond belief. I have a million questions for the show runners, but I’ll try to recap it for you

Hour one (aka all the action we got)

We are picking up where we left off with Luke’s one on one date in Scotland. Hannah tells him she cannot give him the rose because he was a raging douchebag on the whole date and she cannot see herself marrying a raging douchebag, Relatable. So, she tells him he has to leave and he wanders the forest for a hot minute. It was very hunger games like because I kind of felt he might shoot Hannah, but on the other hand, I’m sure there was a producer just out of the frame leading him back to the house. Were they using dog treats to show him where to go? Possibly a mirror? That is the type of information I’m dying to know. He shouts at Hannah about how she’s all he wants, which is absolutely not the sign of an emotionally abusive boyfriend, and ultimately, she decides he can stay, but he can’t have the rose yet. Oh Hannah, you were so close.

 At the cocktail party, there’s nothing to say other than all hell breaks lose. Garrett kicks it off by bringing up Luke in his alone time with Hannah, which he apparently hasn’t figured out that you should never do. Luke, meanwhile, demonstrated what it looks like to so desperately be the odd man out in the house. Have any of you been following the salmon jacket that all the men have been sharing? One of them has been wearing the same jacket every week. Luke clearly isn’t friends with anyone and has never been a part of this, so he showed up in his own Walmart version. Let’s all play a very small violin for Luke Psychopath because he has no friends.

Anyway, all the guys start fighting with Luke in the living room and it’s so loud and distracting and stupid that Hannah has to come in like an angry mother and tell them all how freaking stupid they are. It was a shining moment for Hannah; I wanted to stand up and cheer for her. She basically was like, I’m a grown woman and can make my own decisions, and yeah is luke crazy? Sure, but don’t think any of you are safe because you are all acting like children *cue gif of Hannah slugging champagne*. She cries because they all suck so Chris Harrison, master of love and amateur therapist, hugs her.

            

At the rose ceremony, Devin, Kevin and Grant go home, which is fine because I’m sure most of you barely remember them. Most significantly, Luke Psychopath did not go home. It’s exhausting I know. We see the men journey to Latvia for the next week and then…

Hour Two: the biggest waste of your time in TV history

            

STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING BACHELORETTE FANS SO WE CAN RECAP THE EPISODES WE ALL WATCHED, LIVE TWEETED, AND BLOGGED ABOUT. Hannah, at the time she was in Latvia, was a mess and feeling like this might not work. Very sad for her. Then Chris Harrison stops the show and reappears at Bachelor Mansion to speak with Hannah about her remaining men and mostly recap the season. Do the producers think we are dumb? We obviously know this would’ve had to have been filmed after the season was over and she’s either chosen someone or hasn’t. They don’t come back to America until someone picks a Neil Lane ring, so what am I supposed to think about everything Hannah is saying right now. I was so infuriated that in this episode we wouldn’t see even one date. If you haven’t watched the episode, end it right as they get to Latvia.  See you next week. If you’re a glutton for pain, keep going and easily find out who Hannah’s top 3 guys are. I’m assuming she’s engaged to one of the men she is talking about. Look in her eyes, see if you can figure it out, because you’ve seen literally every episode and DO NOT need a recap.

            

If you thought your frustration would stop there, think twice. When Hannah and Chris Harrison’s conversation ended, they went to commercial, and I thought, that’s strange what are they going to do with eight whole minutes left. What they did was ruin nearly the rest of the season. I don’t even want to talk about it because if you tuned out, consider yourself saved. The whole season has focused on Luke P’s storyline and that’s no exaggeration. Every waking minute we have been concerned about Luke P. So naturally, they threw away the entire ending to his storyline in the promo for the rest of the season??? I have been hookwinked, bamboozled, and led astray!!! If you watch closely, you’ll know how far Luke goes, you’ll know her final three, and you’ll know just about every important plot point except for who she picks in the end. So basically, just hit up reality Steve if you want because I guess nothing is sacred anymore over at ABC.

Till next time,

Those Girls You Know.