Bachelorette Week 5: The Lukeness Monster is Drowning
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| cinemablend.com |
Highlights
- Remember the fiery showdown of the Lukes? Both S and P??? the cliffhanger of the last episode??? Yeah Luke S just ended up walking out on his own accord. Weak af.
- Hannah's RBF while Luke and Luke fought about knees
- John Paul Jones and his tour de chicken nuggets comes to a halt. Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened. He probably was eliminated because the planes to paradise were taking off soon.
- Mike's audition for the Bachelor in Scotland...I mean, his date with Hannah. That's it, that's the highlight. Every minute of him.
- On the group date, the men have to wear kilts and then wrestle because the Bachelor gods are good and just.
- When Peter wins a competition, he puts his arms out like a plane and runs around 💙
- Jed gets the group date rose after he pours milk on himself and Hannah straddles him in a hallway. There's a lesson to be learned here I'm sure
- Tyler C keeps his kilt on for the whole cocktail party and carries on just looking like a whole snack
- Hannah realizing the group date was so fun because of Luke Psychopath's absence
- Hannah yells at Luke to be normally functioning human for a whole one-on-one date but Luke is unable to form human emotions. I hope his therapist contacts him soon.
- Why didn't we get parting words from JPJ?
- How is Grant still on this show?
- Luke speaks about knowing what's best for Hannah as if he's known her more than 15 days
- Hannah drunkenly ate haggis and lied to the good people of Scotland when she said she liked it
- Kevin watching Hannah and Jed make out for farrr longer than he should've
- Peter trying to make out with Hannah on the pool table was pure and wholesome I simply had to look away
- Hannah realizing the group date was so fun because of Luke Psychopath's absence
- Luke reading the date card to himself was the loneliest thing I've ever witnessed
- Hannah saying to Luke that it doesn't make sense why the guys don't like him and when she watched him knee the other Luke in the face
- Every time Luke Psychopath opened his mouth it was a WTF moment
These are real things that were said on National TV
- "This is about me caring about Hannah and not letting the Lukeness monster slide his was into her heart and mind and poison her" - Jed
- "I want to give Luke the benefit of the doubt but at this point I just feel like he's a big a$$ douche canoe" - Devin
- "It's not the size of your bagpipe, it's how you play it" - Hannah Freaking Beast
- "I just wanna know if you like macaroni and cheese or spaghetti more" - Hannah
- "Everyone I've ever met, every place every school I've ever been, anywhere I've ever been in my whole life, everyone loves me." - Luke Psychopath
- "There are sometimes I'm in church on my knees praying and sometimes I'm a devilish bitch" - Hannah
The date with Luke was one of the best things I've seen on the Bachelorette because it was one of the very few real conversations the viewers that ever gotten to be a part of. So while I'm here, let me take a moment to defend Hannah real quick:
If you happen to be on the internet while watching this week, you probably noticed that a lot of people are hating on Hannah for not being able to see the psychopath behind Luke's eyes. I get it, its super frustrating as a viewer. I'm sure this is a hot take, but I think that's an unfair and harsh judgement of Hannah. While I fully believe that Luke is unbearable, and just might skin Hannah in her sleep, I'm not going to knock Hannah for making a poor decision for the following reasons:
- She is literally every girl who has ever had feelings for a trash guy. Almost every viewer watching this show has either liked a guy who has trouble written all over him, seen their friend like a bad guy, or been the bad guy. This is nothing new in real life. She has a connection with him, she so desperately wants to see the good in him because of it, but the reality is that he's the WOAT. She is hoping he'll give her the slightest glimmer of hope so she can run with it and defend him to all who question her about it. She knows it's not going to happen.
- There is no one there to question her about it. Imagine dating without your girlfriends around to put you in your place when you are getting crazy. Now imagine everyone surrounding you is being paid to make quality TV and is likely getting a cash bonus if Luke stays. We all saw her talk to the producers this week, and I doubt they are being honest with her.
- She's making poor decisions about men at 24 years old. Sue her.
- In real time, she has known Luke for about 15 days max. It isn't months like ABC has dragged it out to be for our viewing pleasure. If you ghosted a trash guy in that short of a time span, you deserve an award. But I know all of all you people throwing shade have probably let it go on waaaaay longer than that.
- She's not blind to what's going on. She is making it very clear that she's not OK with his behavior and things that a relationship will not work if he continues to act the way he does. She literally said I can't see how I could give you this rose and every other word out of her mouth is red flag.
- She is telling him to his face, all of the ways in which he sucks. She's being super honest and more or less telling him he's an unlovable robot.
- Do you not remember when she disrobed him in episode 2?? Hannah just wants that type of magic back, but sadly, his true colors have shown through too bright.
- It's making for really good TV, so relax.
The only thing that separates Hannah from other girls who have been confused by a guy who is nice to them but miserable to everyone else is that she has a ton of nearly perfect men fighting for her. How you give Luke P the time of day while Tyler C stands right behind him, is mind blowing. I felt really sad for her seeing her get so frustrated but it sucks when a guy can't be what you want him to be. So give her a break, she;s disappointed he won't give her what she wants, but she isn't blind.
- Those Girls You Know
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